Understanding His Needs and Her Needs
As we know, men and women are quite different both physically and emotionally.
It is also well documented that even the brain functions differ between men and women.
Arguably, the biggest difference is probably in the emotional realm. It is what makes
relationships with the opposite sex interesting, satisfying, and sometimes difficult. We
often form relationships with people who are not like us, but it is these differences that
make partnerships strong and effective.
Q: Describe your relationships with the opposite sex. (e.g. wife, girlfriend)
Q: What differences do you notice in how you communicate with the opposite sex?
Q: Do you appreciate the differences? Why or why not?
Q: How could you learn to appreciate these differences more or even enjoy them?
As we know, our society has twisted the true purpose of sexual intercourse. In
society’s eyes, the goal of sex is ultimately selfish, and only to gratify personal needs. This
is not God’s intent for intimacy at all. I believe the devil has launched a specific assault
against the call we have as men in regards to intimacy.
“Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and with all of your soul, and with all of your mind and with all of your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There
is no greater commandment then these.” - Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)
Our first and greatest calling is to love God. A good place to start is to understand
how God loves us. The Greek word for love is agapē. It is a deep, passionate, committed love
that desires only the best for the one loved. I have read that the meaning of the word agapē
is so deep that scholars have a difficult time placing a definition to it. God loves you with
Q: What does this mean to you? How does God express this love to you personally?
When we understand, at least a little, the reality of the deep love God has for us, we are
able to love ourselves. Understanding God’s love for us moves us to the place of accepting a
concept of self-value from Him. However, things in the world want to determine your value,
including sex and sexual practices.
Q: How does God determine your value?
The Mark 12 verses say that we are to love our neighbors with the same agapē love
with which we love ourselves and God. This agapē love is intended to be first expressed
toward our spouses and children. If we could understand what true intimacy is with God
and express that love outwardly to our family and friends, things would dramatically
In a sexual relationship, intimacy is the goal. Do you know that God is the creator
of sex, and the stronger your intimacy is with Him the better your sex life will be with your
For men, sex is very important and meets physical needs. Often men will open up
emotionally after sex and become more affectionate and caring. On the other hand, women
need emotional intimacy prior to sex. Feeling safe, accepted, loved, appreciated, and valued
are of crucial importance to a woman.
Q: Have you noticed these differences in your relationships?
In order for both partners’ intimacy needs to be met, they need to step out of their comfort
zones and make the other person’s needs more important than their own. When he is
looking out for her needs, and she is looking out for his needs, a very unique and precious
bond is formed.
Communication is necessary for a strong relationship as well. Stepping out of your
comfort zone to meet the communication needs of your partner is vital in building your
relationship even stronger.
Q: How do your partner’s communications needs differ from your own?
Q: How will you work on meeting the communications needs of your partner?
This brings us to a very important conclusion. Ending the exploitation of women and
children begins at home.