The Cause and Effect of Emotionsl Affairs
“The idea that an emotional affair is somehow, something less than a physical affair
is to totally misunderstand the real damage
an affair does to a relationship.” – Dave Morgan
The emotional affair is harder to get over than the physical. Physical affairs are created by emotional affairs. Allowing our thoughts to create and develop ways to “connect” with other woman, other than our spouse, is dangerous territory
Q: If you are married, how do you feel about your spouse’s attention or lack of attention
and love toward you?
Reasons Men Have Emotional Affairs
Q: Are you involved in an emotional affair?
Q: What reasons do you tell yourself that justify the emotional affair?
- A perceived lack of attention from their spouse
- Deep emotional pain (from the relationship, childhood, or other relationship disasters) sometimes leave people more vulnerable to affairs
- A basic lack of commitment
“There is always one overriding reason someone has an emotional affair.
They have chosen to look somewhere other than their spouse to meet and get needs met that
are the exclusive territory of their spouse.” – Dave Morgan
Alternative to Having an Affair
Effects of an Affair
- Reconcile and try and make the relationship better
- Accept the relationship and get as many needs met as possible without having an affair
- Separate and choose not to have an affair
- Divorce and pursue another relationship
- Be depressed and do nothing (not personally recommended)
- Loss of trust in the partner
- Loss of self-esteem
- Anger at the partner
- Feeling betrayed, alone deceived, depressed and anxious
- Suicidal or homicidal feelings
- Crisis of faith
Affairs are selfish by nature. Big changes happen often after big catastrophic events. These big life changing events are often necessary to provide enough motivation to finally get the ball rolling but unfortunately the motivation only lasts for a little while. Unless plans are made to maintain the changes, people fall back in old patterns and end up more discouraged than before.
What is an Emotional Affair?
- A close friendship with the opposite sex in which an intense and secretive
emotional bond is formed.
- The opposite sex is the primary emotional gratification is outside of your
primary relationship, and your partner is excluded.
- Sharing personal feelings and personal details that are “too personal” about
yourself and their partner
- Feeling a sense of companionship with your “friend” that is stronger than your
Whether we are single or married, this applies to all of us.
Q: How does it apply to you?
Friendship vs. Emotional Affair
The relationship is open. You are honest about the time and activities with your friend.
The relationship is hidden or secretive. For example, e-mails or phone calls are secret in nature. Information or details are hidden from your partner.
Your spouse is supportive of you spending time with your friend who is a source of support, but you do not discuss intimate details of you and your partner’s relationship.
This relationship upsets your partner. When asked about it, you become angry and defensive. You share intimate information with this person that should only be
shared with your spouse.
Activities with this person can include your spouse and other people.
Time spent with that person is private, and you downplay or minimize the relationship, reassuring that “nothing is happening.”
There are good and communicated boundaries. You and your spouse are happy
that time is being spent with this person.
There are accusations of jealousy or becoming controlling to get the
partner to “back off.” You long for that person or miss them more than your partner.
Q: Inventory (describe) your emotions regarding the opposite sex. Is there any reason for
God to be jealous?
Q: What changes need to be made in order to have a proper relationship with both God
and your partner?